


Sometimes

by MissLee



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Gen, M/M, Modern Art of Literature, Pre-Canon, Short, Unhealthy Relationships, Unilock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 10:49:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11484813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissLee/pseuds/MissLee
Summary: My headcannon for why Sherlock looks so upset and annoyed when Lestrade orchestrates the drugs bust in A Study in Pink. He'd already lost one person he loved through his addiction to them and doesn't want it to put someone else off."He felt guilty; Sherlock knew he was out of control and could see what breaking his promise was doing to Victor. He knew Victor loved him and while Sherlock did care, Victor was never going to be as important as cocaine was to him and he couldn't make them compete. He knew who'd lose."





	Sometimes

**Author's Note:**

> [My Tumblr](https://missleeismyname.tumblr.com/)

_Sometimes_

He'd promised it would only be sometimes. And it _was_ only sometimes. Sometimes he was high, most of the time he was not. Sherlock had promised Victor and he was going to keep that promise as much as possible. Sometimes he just needed the clarity that the drugs gave him.

***

_Victor crouched next to him and frantically took hold of his wrist to feel his pulse. He was only vaguely aware of his presence but what he did manage to glimpse scared him._

_Victor, who was normally strong and calm and confident - everything that Sherlock admired about him - looked terrified beyond belief to have found him half out of his mind and sprawled upon the floor in a cocaine haze._

_Later, in the hospital -_ too bright _\- Victor glared at him from across the room. He was ferociously angry. Sherlock, the boy he'd grown to love, was tearing himself apart and burning up and combusting before his eyes. It broke his heart to see him so strung out, his brilliance wasted. He needed him to stop._

_"Promise me, Sherlock, never again. Please."_

_"I-I can't promise never, Victor... I need it. Sometimes."_

_Victor knew he was powerless to stop Sherlock when it really mattered anyway. While he loved Sherlock, Sherlock didn't love him._

_"Sometimes then."_

_"Sometimes."_

***

Sometimes steadily became all the time.

He felt guilty; Sherlock knew he was out of control and could see what breaking his promise was doing to Victor. He knew Victor loved him and while Sherlock _did_ care, Victor was never going to be as important as cocaine was to him and he couldn't make them compete. He knew who'd lose.

***

_"I knew it wouldn't only be Sometimes."_

_"Yes," Sherlock swallowed, "I know."_

_A pause._

_"I'd lose wouldn't I?"_

_He didn't reply, knew it wouldn't make any difference._

_"Sometimes I wish I didn't love you."_

***

Sherlock remembers the words now. He remembers how much they'd hurt in the wee hours of the morning when he'd sobered up a little. He couldn't stay sober any longer than he could think about the look on Victors face when he'd said them. It just hurt too much.

***

_"You've lost the ability to live without them."_

_Not a question, just an observation._

_"Yes, I suppose I have," he glanced at Victor and caught the stricken look on his face, "You seem surprised."_

_"Just can't believe you're admitting it to me."_

_"Why wouldn't I?"_

_"I'm only a Sometimes."_

***

They didn't help anymore. They only made him feel terrible all the time.

***

_"I need you."_

_"No you don't, Sherlock, I can't be your Sometimes anymore."_

_At the slam of the door the words died on Sherlocks lips._

_'But I need you all the time.'_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm planning to update my series beginning with 'The Punishment' quite soon, expect it within a week!
> 
> For now through I have a couple of fandom questions: Why in a lot of Victor/Sherlock stories do they meet when Sherlock gets bitten by Victor's dog? Also why is Sebastian Moran associated with tigers? He's often called 'Tiger' by Jim in the stories I've read. 
> 
> Danke schön!


End file.
